Penguin
by Tangerine Yellow
Summary: [AU] When an old family friend comes back into her life with an interest that is just... wrong, Mia decides that it’s time for something better in her life.
1. Mia's Mean Streak

**Summary: **[AU]  When an old family friend comes back into her life with an interest that is just... wrong, Mia decides that it's time for something better in her life.****

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**AN: **This is AU and slightly OOC.  Just a warning…

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**Penguin**

_Never forget: you're unique.  Just like everyone else._

**Chapter 1: Mia's Mean Streak**

Infinity.  Truly a terrifying concept, if you think about it.  You just know that we aren't alone out there, that there are others out there, watching.  Yes, you heard me.  They're watching us.  I know I sound paranoid, but it's true.  If there is other life in the universe (and don't give me that BS about us being the only ones), then wouldn't there be more advanced life out there?  As in, capable of interstellar travel?

Perhaps they're just waiting for the right moment to contact us.  Perhaps I shouldn't have watched Star Trek reruns on TV the other night.  Who knows?  I certainly don't, though I am confident that somewhere out there, someone is watching us, be it aliens or stalkers.

No, I am not a paranoiac, though I wish that I was.  I am an ordinary person who is living an ordinary life in an ordinary world in an ordinary room... okay, overdose on "ordinary".  Now you know that something's up.

I am a perfectly ordinary girl who hears things.  Strange things.  Creeeeepy things.  Yes.  The voices.  They told me to do it.  They tell me to kill people.

Ha.  Got ya.  I've always wanted to say that.

The truth of the matter is, I'm a perfectly ordinary girl.  Ordinary, normal, whatever you want to call it.  Thing is, I used to be special.  Oh, yes.  Quite special.  Now I've decided to go normal.  Being special just never worked for me.

What?  You say that you'd love to be slightly more unique than everyone else?  You say I'm nuts?  I'm not, you know.  Here.  Let me explain in more depth.

My story begins, like so many other formula romances, on the day when an old friend of the family came to visit.  It also just so happened to be my birthday.  My thirteenth birthday.  Well, actually, I was more like eighteen at the time, legally an adult, but I felt thirteen, and that's what matters.

We'd known this person for many, many years.  And it just so happened that I'd grown up with his son, before the two of them moved away.  Aaah, the good old days, when I used to convince the (then) gullible child to eat sand because it was nutritious, or stuff earthworms up his nose because it would make him smarter.  And I was the younger one, too. 

Don't tell anyone I said that; I'm supposed to be a sweet, lovable girl who can do no wrong, and don't you forget it.  Or I may be forced to beat you with a stic-- er... smile at you sweetly and ask, "How are you?"  And then I would stuff massive amounts of my homemade madelines down your throa-- er... offer you cookies.

Anyhow, as I was saying, Alex and I used to be best friends.  He'd offer me a plastic shovel, and in return, I would whack him with it.  In his face.  Hard.  I have particularly fond memories of the time when I sent him running into a wasps nest in order to retrieve my frisbee which I threw there after carefully scouting out the location of that particular hive.  And that time when I nearly drowned him?  Pure magic.  Bwahahahaha.

Sad thing is, he moved away, and I hadn't seen him in over ten years.  But all that was about to change.  He was coming over for a visit.  I was thrilled; I'd already pulled out my baseball ba-- er... oven mitts.  For cooking food.  Good food.  I've been told that my pies are divine.  It is my gift.  Someday, I plan on being the next Martha Stuart.  Without the stock issues.

As she pulled the fresh cookies out of the oven (yes, I am speaking about myself in the third person.  But what sane person wouldn't?  ... Don't answer that...) she heard a resounding knock on the door and rushed to open it.  Unfortunately, she was in such a rush that she spilled chocolate chip lumps of goodness all over the floor, and because she was so hurried, she didn't even have time to either feed them to her invisible dog or introduce them to the trash can. 

Instead, she sprinted to the door (I am quite quick, you know.  Twenty-second 100m dash.  Boo-yeah.) and threw it open, revealing a face quite different from what she'd expected.  Instead of the adorable child she'd expected, with those huge eyes, numerous bruises (complements of yours truly), and gorgeous blue locks, there was a young woman about her age with long red hair tied back in a high ponytail with fierce eyes and a wide grin on her noble face.

Shocked, the cookie-killer did the only thing she could.  "Alex?  Did you get a sex change?"

Immediately, the grin left the other girl's face and was replaced with a look of extreme annoyance.  "It's me, Mia.  It's Jenna.  J-E-N-N-A.  Say it with me now: Jenna."

"Oh!  Jenna!  I'm sorry.  I was just expecting..."

"Yes, I know.  Your old buddy Alex," Jenna sighed sarcastically.  "Well, I'm neither old nor male.  Unless Alex is a girl?"

"He could be, easy," Mia murmured under her breath before returning to her usual, cheerful self.  "So!  Who wants cookies?"

Before long, the two of them were seated facing each other at the wide table that was the focus of Mia's current residence, chatting away like old friends.  As a matter of fact, they were old friends, though not as old as Mia and Alex were.  Mia and Jenna had only known each other since preschool, as opposed to pre-conception.

As the two of them shared a very dull conversation not worth recording in this text (Okay, so it was interesting.  But I'd rather appear boring than stupid this early on in the tale.), Mia waited anxiously for Alex while Jenna just chatted on about nothing to make her friend feel less nervous.

Jenna tended to be shy around people she didn't know, but once she knew a person's name, DOOM.  That person would never again be safe from her violent rages, backstabbing tendencies, and brutal accusations.  But that was only 95% of the time.  The other 50%, she was loyal, trustworthy, caring, and kindhearted.  Am I adding zeros to figures to make her appear a better person?  Maybe.  Anyhow, I liked her, though the reason we were still friends may (or may not) have had something to do with her hot older brother, Felix ...Mostly may not.  Honest.

Nearly two hours later, Alex was still a no-show, and Jenna and Mia had moved on from talking to video gaming to napping.  As a matter of fact, they were sleeping when the much-anticipated visitor finally arrived.  There was a hesitant knock, then another, and then it became apparent that someone was playing with the doorbell as a constant ringing filled the house, startling the girls out of dreamland.

Mia rushed to the door and thrust it open angrily, preparing to hurt whoever was attacking her doorbell.  No one.  Then she heard a moan, and realized that she had just slammed her door into the offender's head.  Now he was rubbing his forehead, groaning as he got to his feet.  "So it is you, Mia.  Only you would be malicious enough to whack a poor fellow with a door like that."

"Alex?" Mia answered, her eyes widening.  She examined him closely, from his trim figure and handsome features to his long blue hair, hanging loose about his shoulders.  "It is you!"

She hugged him fiercely, too glad to see her friend to even notice that, though he returned the embrace, it held an entirely different meaning for him; his hands crept lower than they should have, and a sort of satisfied grin lit his face.

Meanwhile, Jenna was preoccupied musing about "Malicious Mia" and whether the nickname might stick.

And so it all began...

**AN: **Short but sweet.  I've never written an AU before.  Perhaps it'll be easier in the long run.  Or harder.  isn't quite sure  Anyhow, I read this fic the other day, and I was inspired to write.  Hooray.  Eventually, this story'll be romantic and junk, but not yet really… And why is this fic named Penguin?  I don't know.  Or maybe I do.  Or maybe I'm just saying I do to make you think I'm a better writer.  Or maybe I'm just saying that so that... eh.. I'm officially confused.


	2. Deep Thoughts and Broken Noses

**AN: **Slightly OOC.  Also, here's a disclaimer: I don't own GS.  If I did, I would be rich.  Sadly, I'm not.****

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**Penguin**

_Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine._

**Chapter 2: Deep Thoughts and Broken Noses**

It just keeps on going and going, its little pink, furry body parading across my mind while it whacks its miniature big brass drum with vigour.  That is one energetic bunny, I'll tell you.  Someday, I'll be just like it.  Except I'm a person.  So maybe I'll be a pink bunny **person**.  Okay, that sounded like a deep throught in my head, but on paper... it just sounds stupid.  My bad.

Lets just forget I said that.  At all.

Like I was saying earlier, I was given a gift.  That gift was pies.  My mother told me that even before I could walk, I could cook pies so divine that even the angels in heaven were drooling.  She used to tell me about how I would crawl about, pie pan balanced in one hand, before sticking it in the oven.  For some reason, I doubt her story.  It probably has something to do with the fact that had I been able to throw a **pie** into an oven, I would also have thrown **Alex** in (accidentally, of course) and he doesn't have a golden-brown, flaky crust.

The story my mother told me that **was** true was the tale of my first words.  I do remember this, as a matter of fact.  Apparently, this was during my stick stage, when I would chase Alex about with the largest stick I could find.  This was before my numerous painful and dreadul "accidents" involving the blue-haired child.  You know... back when they really **were** accidents.

One day, frustrated with my efforts, my mother scolded me.  "Stop hitting Alex," she told me furiously.  "You'll kill him!"  There were only two words I got out of that phrase, and I repeated them for her: "Kill Alex!"  Too shocked by my first words to correct me, she could only stare as I reclaimed my stick and started the game anew.

This is why Alex has only my mother to blame for my violence towards him.  It has nothing to do with a deep-seated disgust for him deep within my dreary soul.  Honest.

Anyhow, as I said earlier, Alex came back into my life suddenly, and there he was, holding me like his lover, me not even noticing, or at least not until...

There they were, best friends since birth re-united, hugging each other tightly, simply glad to see one another.  Then she felt it: two hands, firmly planted on her derriere, and she did the only thing a proper lady could: she smacked him.  Hard.  For a moment, he was stunned, but then he just smiled.

"I live for the pain you inflict, Mia," he sighed, trying to close the distance she'd just put between them.  She felt ill; she'd never realized that he was, well, a man before.  She saw him like she would a sister, yet at the same time, she felt guilty.  After all those years of bruises and hurts, now he finally wanted something back from her, and she dared refuse him?   (What?  It was a moment of weakness, I tell you!)

She looked at him, examined him throughly, and one thought popped into her mind.  _It wouldn't be so bad... At least he'd be faithful; I doubt any other girl would be interested.  And I've always wanted kids... not sure if he could deliver in that department, after those incidents with the baseball bat and the cattle prod, but..._ 

Then Jenna, who'd been lost in thought, joined the fray, saving her friend from her self-induced delusion by delivering the offender a broken nose **and** throwing him out in one fell strike.  Now that's efficency.  Instantly, she slammed the door in his face and turned to Mia.

"Sorry about that," Jenna panted.  "I saw that 'I'm considering your proposal' look on your face and threw him out ASAP."

"That's why you're my friend, Jenna," she answered with a smile.  Another moment and she would have been lost.  "You saved me."

An hour had passed, and he was still there on the doorstep, nursing his new bruises.  He knew that the girls were waiting for him to leave, that they were watching his every movement through that little hole in the door which we so often use to spy on our neighbors.  You know the one I'm talking about.  It makes everything look all odd and twisted, like it's on the back of a spoon.

After much debating, Jenna decided to man the fort while Mia snuck out and escaped to Jenna's home.  After all, he was only after Mia, so if he somehow got in and found Jenna not knowing who the hell Mia was, the idea was that he might assume that his cerulean-headed angel was only a figment of his imagination after all.  It was the ultimate evil plot.  It was also ultimately simple.  Only one problem had been encountered during the initial planning: Felix.

After Jenna's parents had died the previous year in a freak accident involving lots of Jello, she'd lived with her elder brother, who provided her free room and board.  All she needed to do in return was cook, clean, and follow two simple rules:

(1) Midnight curfew

(2) No sleepovers.

Either Felix did some **strange** things at night, and he didn't want any of Jenna's friends to know about them, or else he just didn't want strange girls in his house at night for fear of what his friends might think.

With her, Mia carried a red wig and her lucky stuffed penguin.  Felix didn't communicate with Jenna much, so Mia was convinced that she could pass for the sister he rarely saw.  If not, she could just throw Mr. Snookums (her penguin) at his face and run.

As she walked, Mia fastened up her hair, pinning it under the red wig.  Then she took a deep breath, whipped out the key Jenna had given her, and entered the house.

Little did she know what awaited her beyond the shadows...

**AN: **And so ends chapter 2.  I'm a big Alex fan, but I still find it fun having him beaten up by Mia... Oh yeah.  I almost forgot.  I'm not sure about the pairing, but I think it'll be Mia/Isaac-shipping (whatever the name for that is... my friend keeps explaining to me and I keep forgetting...) but Isaac hasn't been introduced yet.  Maybe next time.


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